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I'm tired of this.
        Tired of the warmcold relationship that we have.
        Tired of the embers that are all that remain from our blaze.
                 Tired of the falling ashes.

I'm tired of you.
        Tired of your warmcold moods.
        Tired of your fake smiles that remain untouched.
                 Tired of your pristine beauty.

                  We're little more than a fading dream. I'm waking up.
                                         I'm not that naïve.
i feel warmcold this sunny day but
i'm not that n.a.i.v.e.




For #theWrittenRevolution members: is the repetition of the word "tired" too much? or just right?
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
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:iconorenasher:
OrenAsher Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2010
I totally have been there. Great poem. :thumbsup:
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2010
thank you. :love:
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:iconeatingmyownfears:
EatingMyOwnFears Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2010
The repetition of the word 'tired' serves to amplify the meaning of the poem. Love it! :love:

:iconthewrittenrevolution:
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2010
thank you!
Reply
:iconeatingmyownfears:
EatingMyOwnFears Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2010
:D
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:iconkj-illustration:
KJ-Illustration Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

No, absolutely not ~! The way it's repeated gives it it's nessecary strenght and beauty :] You're a really talented writer :heart: Beautiful works!
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010
thankyouthankyouthankyou! ah, you're so nice! :heart:
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:iconkj-illustration:
KJ-Illustration Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
:blush: you're incredibly welcome, love ~!!:iconsqueeeplz:
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:iconmegdaly:
megdaly Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2010
I'm obsessed with this poem. I think the repetition of "tired" is just right. The simplicity of the poem makes it very relatable; I'm sure that many people can relate to these feelings (myself included).
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010
thankyouthankyouthankyou! you're amazing! (just saying)
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:iconmegdaly:
megdaly Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010
you'rewelcomeyou'rewelcomeyou'rewelcome! Wow, and thanks for the compliment. You are so sweet!
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2010
oh, not at all. but thanks!
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:iconmegdaly:
megdaly Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2010
Haha... well, you seem sweet, but I guess you really can't judge a person based on what he or she writes! You have to meet someone in real life to truly scope his or her character.
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010
agreed. and even then, you can make mistakes.. :)
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:iconmegdaly:
megdaly Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010
I agree! I always focus on the good in people and try to look past the bad. Most (most being the operative word) people have something good to offer.
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2010
me too! and sometimes it's hidden, but it's almost always there.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconjonathoncomfortreed:
jonathoncomfortreed Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2010  Student Photographer
I have featured this in my news article, I couldn't resist.
Please :+favlove: it so you get the attention you deserve! :hug:
Reply
:iconchryssiedanger:
chryssiedanger Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2010   Writer
Lovely! A lot of what I'm feeling at the moment!
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
thank you!
Reply
:iconjonathoncomfortreed:
jonathoncomfortreed Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010  Student Photographer
You probably know how much I love this. :love:
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
yes. thank you for all your support :glomp:
Reply
:iconjonathoncomfortreed:
jonathoncomfortreed Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010  Student Photographer
:pat:
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:iconcberman:
cberman Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

The repetition works wonderfully; at no point is it stifling. On the contrary, it provides a focus and structure for the piece that leads the reader naturally from one line to the next.

Nice work. Good imagery, good structure, good delivery.
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you very much, your comments are very much appreciated! <3
Reply
:iconyomi-oneechan:
Yomi-Oneechan Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
I feel that repeating 'tired' gives the piece a real emphasis on how the speaker feels. Very nicely executed.
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconamplusan:
amplusan Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
Wowness truly am feeling you on this piece
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you very muchly!
Reply
:iconmissallaround:
MissAllAround Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
A beautiful way of expressing the way people commonly feel. Its simple, yyet it says so much. Great!
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
ah, thank you! :glomp:
Reply
:iconpoisonedkitty:
Poisonedkitty Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
I like how the ending doesn't fit in the 'structure',
makes it stand out. (:
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you for commenting! :heart:
Reply
:iconshannny2k:
shannny2k Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

The repitition of tired works for the poem. It's bringing things to a point and works really well for you. This really gets the mood across very well. I like it a lot! Good job!
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you!
Reply
:iconaestheticparadise:
AestheticParadise Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I concur with everyone chiming in that your use of "tired" is not overdone.

I love this piece - especially how the first stanza made me feel warm and the second cold. Fantastic!

:heart:
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
"..especially how the first stanza made me feel warm and the second cold."whoa, i didn't know that it would do that! thank you!
Reply
:iconaestheticparadise:
AestheticParadise Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
You are most welcome!
Reply
:iconmean2008bryson:
mean2008bryson Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
love it!
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you!
Reply
:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
Nah, it works fine to convey your message. Which I liked, particularly because I saw the other deviation called "I'm not that naive" and I don't know, it connects in a weird way, to me. :)
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
jon suggested that i write a little something to go along with the picture, which i drew first. when i finished, and asked him what he thought, he said i ought to post it by itself. so, i wanted them to connect a little bit. :heart: thank you!
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:iconthemaideninblack:
TheMaidenInBlack Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010
:) Good suggestion it was. You're welcome!
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010
:heart:
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:iconprovenparadox:
ProvenParadox Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010  Student Writer
Good poetry. As others have said, the repetition is great and the tone of the piece is solid.
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you, sir, coming from a great writer like yourself, that means a lot. :glomp:
Reply
:iconprovenparadox:
ProvenParadox Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010  Student Writer
You're welcome and thank you. :hug:
Reply
:iconoverrated-elegance:
OverRated-Elegance Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
*A* The repetition is pure genius!

It adds to the words and the overall impact. The whole idea of it is incredible, of how you're escribing things and emotions. //Immense jealousy//
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:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2010
thank you so much! :glomp:
Reply
:iconjez123:
Jez123 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010  Student Writer
I think that the repepetition of the word "tired" adds emphasis to the point you're trying to get across - very nicely done, well-balance ^.-
Reply
:iconwanderinghere:
WanderingHere Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2010
thank you!
Reply
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